Halloween Helpers

Living in the middle of the English countryside, we encounter lots of not so wild life.  It runs the gamut from pigeons that crash into our window leaving an outline of their carcass on our window (pigeons should not let other pigeons fly drunk!) to pheasants that seem to want to do battle with your car.  And, of course, deer, sheep, horses, graze on the fields here.

But, there is one form of not so wild life that has taken up residence inside and around my house. They are making themselves at home here and are trying to help decorate the house for Halloween. They are not welcome - at least not in the house - but this does not stop them.

I am referring to spiders and the tangled webs they weave.

Two inch spider found in my house.

Vienna had ants, bees and translucent bugs. Warsaw had spiders and England has spiders. While I generally do not succumb to arachnophobia unlike other members of my family, these are not small spiders that one occasionally finds around the house.  They are huge spiders.  The largest one to date was 4 inches long, but on average they are about 2 inches long.  They like to hide in the drapes, corners and most recently, I found one in the rubbish bin.  You know what they say - one person's trash is another spider's treasure.

A perfectly formed web on one of our cars.

The cobweb decor isn't reserved for the inside of the house or even the house for that matter.  Every morning, I find perfectly formed webs on the side mirrors of my car.  Last week, I was driving along and stopped at a light.  As I am looking around, I see a baby spider dangling on a web string inside my car.  It had managed to start a web from the car ceiling.

That black speck that is circle:
a baby spider in my car.

People have warned me that I need to check my clothes before putting them on and my bed before getting in. Only a few of them are actually poisonous, but I rather not take chances.  My OCD kicks in when I see cobwebs or baby spiders (because that means there are hundreds somewhere).  I become the spider slayer sucking the life out of them with a vacuum.

They are quite industrious little f**kers, though.  I take down their webs (inside and outside), they build them back up the next day.  It's fall so most of them are males coming inside to mate with female spiders. I can't have a bunch of horny spiders running amok.

I have forged a compromise (mostly with myself) to allow them to live outside. But, if they cross the line, they are risking their horny little lives.